The Hard Path

by Jeff Serowik

Why We're Here

Thank you parents and kids for all of your emails. We love hearing from all of you both when things are going great and when things are going not so great. We are here to help. We are the experts. We are here to train your child with unbiased eyes. Make them a better hockey player. That is our only agenda. We are so proud to have so many of you playing in The NHL and colleges across The Nation. Most of you chose the hard path.

When you reach out to us, know that we take those messages seriously. We have seen hundreds of situations play out over the years and we have a good sense of what's real and what's noise. Trust that when you come to us, you are getting honest feedback, not just what you want to hear.

What the Hard Path Actually Means

The hard path is usually the path that leads to what you really want. The scary uncomfortable risky choice is usually the right choice that brings the big return. My advice is to not settle for wrong. Not settle for unhappiness most especially when it comes to your child.

Choosing the hard path means making a decision that costs you something in the short term. Maybe it's leaving a team your kid has been on for three years. Maybe it's switching to a program where your child has to earn everything from scratch. That discomfort is not a warning sign. It is usually confirmation that you are moving in the right direction.

Navigating the Coach's Kid Situation

A lot of things come into play in youth sports. If you are on a team with a coaches kid for example. I get so many emails on this topic. Go with your gut as parents. Many times being on the team with a coach's kid is great, but sometimes it is not.

The key question to ask yourself is simple. Does this coach treat every kid fairly when the game is on the line? You will see it in ice time. You will see it in who gets the tough minutes. A good coach with a kid on the team is not a problem. A coach who loses their objectivity the second their own child is involved, that is a problem worth paying attention to.

A Coach Who Got It Right

One of my favorite coaches in youth hockey had his son on our team. He is the same youth coach who told me to shoot 500 pucks a day. Great advice. He cared. For all of us. He was the first call I got when I was drafted to The NHL in high school to congratulate me. He was the first to tap me on the shoulder after a game at Lawrence Academy after I played well. He was the first person to tap any of us on the shoulder when we needed it when we felt good to congratulate us or as encouragement when things were not going so well. His son went on to also be my teammate at Lawrence Academy. That was a great coach with a kid on the team. A kind man of integrity, great mentor, coach and person.

He has since passed away, his son (my former teammate) has gone on to be the 26th coach in D1 college hockey history to win 500 games. There are only two coaches active right now to have more wins. One being Jerry York (Boston College) and the other being Rick Gotkin (Mercyhurst College). My friend is Rand Pecknold of Quinnipiac College. Congratulations to Rand. Your success is not surprising to me. You learned from the best. Your Dad.

That kind of coach is rare and when you find one, you stay. You work hard, you listen, and you carry what they teach you for the rest of your life.

Adversity Is Not the Enemy

Also remember that adversity is part of the journey and exactly what is hurting so much today will actually help your child become stronger and grittier and believe it or not a better player and person. This is a good thing for all athletes. Strength and grit and determination.

I know it does not feel that way when your kid comes home upset. It does not feel that way when you watch them sit on the bench more than they deserve. But I have watched this long enough to know that the players who faced real obstacles and pushed through them are almost always better equipped at the next level than the ones who had everything handed to them. Adversity builds something that talent alone cannot.

Make the Hard Decision

As adults we know when things are just not right, make that hard decision for your kids with your kids. Do it to help your child and protect them if you feel they need that. When your gut is telling you there are too many agendas, politics, history, jealousy or whatever it may be that you feel may unfairly impede your child's trajectory and or happiness, you may be right. Take the hard path, keep working hard. There are no guarantees in life. But, in my own personal experiences and in many of my professional peers and camper's experiences I have seen, the hard path is usually the right path.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if my child is being treated unfairly on their hockey team?

Watch ice time and line assignments over multiple games, not just one. If you see a consistent pattern where your child is held back despite performing well in practice and games, and the reasoning never quite adds up, trust what you are seeing. Talk to your child first. Then have a calm, direct conversation with the coach. If the answers feel evasive, that tells you something.

Is it worth leaving a team mid-season for a better opportunity?

It depends on the situation. If your child is miserable and their development has genuinely stalled, staying purely out of loyalty can do real damage to their confidence and their love of the game. If it is short-term frustration and the program is otherwise solid, work through it. The ability to push through hard stretches is a skill they will need. The key is being honest about which situation you are actually in.

How do I help my child develop grit and mental toughness?

Stop rescuing them from every hard moment. Let them sit with failure long enough to figure out how to respond to it. Encourage them to work harder after a bad game rather than looking for someone to blame. Grit is built in practice, in repetition, and in getting back up after setbacks. It is not something you can shortcut.

What should I look for in a youth hockey coach?

Look for someone who holds every player to the same standard, including their own kid if they have one on the team. Look for a coach who teaches and corrects rather than just benches and ignores. The best coaches I have known pushed every player hard and made it clear they believed in them at the same time. That combination is what develops real players.