The All of It

Setbacks Are Part of the Deal

The All of It includes setbacks. That is not a warning. That is just the truth. The highs, the lows, the setbacks, and everything in between are part of ALL OF IT. If you are only signing up for the good parts, you are not actually signing up for the journey.

Setbacks are not a detour from the path. They are the path. The players I have seen develop into serious hockey players were not the ones who avoided adversity. They were the ones who figured out what to do with it.

Everyone Has a "Them"

The ALL OF IT needs to include a hunger to succeed and to prove them wrong. When I say "Prove Them Wrong," note that everyone has a "them" on their path to reaching their goal. You can't let "them" beat you. Whoever your "them" is.

Maybe your "them" is a coach who cut you. Maybe it's a scout who said you were too small, too slow, or not ready. Maybe it's a teammate who got the opportunity you felt you deserved. It does not matter who it is. What matters is what you do with that feeling.

Even the highest level NHL player has a "them" and setbacks. First rounders get sent to the minors. Franchise players get taken off the power play. Players get hurt. They deal with coaches who do not like them or have an agenda. This is not unique to you. It is the game. At every level.

You Are Not Alone in This

When you are going through a setback, you probably think it is just you. It is not. Every player who has ever made it through a tough stretch felt exactly what you are feeling right now. Isolated. Frustrated. Maybe questioning whether it is worth it.

It is worth it. But you have to get back up after a setback and get even hungrier to succeed and prove "them" wrong. That hunger is not just emotion. It is fuel. Learn to use it.

Make a Plan, Not an Excuse

So how do you do that? By making a plan. There are so many little things and elements of hard work and grit that you need to execute to reach your goal. Success is hard. Middle of the pack is a lot easier and takes significantly less hard work and suffers a lot less disappointment. Understand that tradeoff before you decide which one you are after.

Take that setback and get hungry. You may think you were working as hard as you could. But were you? Could you have done more? Could you have watched more video? Researched more opponents? Done more stickhandling at home? Gotten more rest? Done more strength and conditioning? Done more homework? Budgeted your time better? Made a better training plan? Eaten better? Stayed better hydrated? Been a better teammate and friend? Been a more selfless player? Communicated better with your coach, teachers, and parents? Been more grateful to those trying to help you on your journey? Been more present during the game?

These are not rhetorical questions. Sit with them. Answer them honestly.

Small Steps, Real Progress

This is not about cramming. It is not about suddenly doing five extra hours of training the week after a setback. That is not a plan. That is a reaction. What I am talking about is making a long-term plan and executing it with small, realistic daily gains.

Think like an inchworm walking, taking little steps daily that may go unnoticed for a while. Then all of a sudden, wow, that little guy really moved. That is how real progress works. It is quiet, it is consistent, and it is rarely glamorous. But it compounds. And one day, people will notice. More importantly, you will notice.

The players who stick with the process when nobody is watching are the ones who are ready when everyone finally is.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do I stay motivated after getting cut from a team or losing my spot in the lineup?

Start by understanding that what you are feeling is normal. Getting cut or demoted is hard, and pretending it does not hurt does not help you. What helps is channeling that frustration into a specific plan. Write down exactly what you are going to work on and why. Motivation comes and goes, but a plan keeps you moving even on the days when motivation is not there.

What does "prove them wrong" actually mean in a hockey context?

It means using the doubt or the rejection as information and as fuel. If a coach says you are not physical enough, you have a clear target. If a scout says your skating needs work, you have a clear target. "Prove them wrong" is not about anger. It is about taking that criticism seriously enough to actually fix the problem. The players who do that are the ones who end up back in the conversation.

How do I know if I am truly working hard enough or just going through the motions?

Ask yourself whether you are doing the things nobody is making you do. Voluntary ice time, extra video study, working on your nutrition and sleep, putting in reps at home with a stick and a puck. If the answer is no, you have room to grow. Hard work only counts when it is honest work, not just busy work.

My son or daughter just had a major setback in hockey. How should I handle it as a parent?

Let them feel it first. Do not rush to fix it or minimize it. Then, when they are ready, help them make a plan instead of dwelling on what went wrong. The best thing a parent can do is model the mindset that setbacks are temporary and effort is always within their control. Keep the focus on the process, not the outcome.