The Tank. Advice To Parents.

What "The Tank" Is and Why It Matters

When things aren't going well, it is very easy for athletes to go into what I call "The Tank." Every player hits it. Youth hockey, college hockey, the pros. It doesn't matter the level. What matters is how fast you get out of it and who helps you find the door.

I've had great coaches in my life, not so great ones, and everything in between. The great ones understood that the mental side of this game is just as important as the tactical side. The bad ones made the Tank deeper.

What Kevin Constantine Taught Me

Kevin Constantine was my head coach when I played for the Penguins. He was one of my greats. I learned a lot from him tactically, but what stayed with me longer than any system or drill was something he said to me after one of the worst moments of my career.

I've told the story about being benched by him in the Boston Garden with practically every friend and family member in the crowd. I was clearly nervous playing at home. I didn't play my game. I was out for three goals in the first five minutes. I tried to do too much and it backfired. He needed to bench me. That was a business decision and I understood it then and I understand it now.

But at the end of the game he tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You don't live here in The Tank. This moment will pass. Go out and visit with your family and friends, that is the world you live in, not here in this feeling. We will talk on the flight."

A few kind words from a mentor when I really needed them. I have passed that message on to tens of thousands of kids since then. It works.

Advice for the Car Ride Home

If your kid has a bad game and you can see they're in the Tank, here is what I want you to say on the way home. Tell them they don't live in the place of their despair. They are going home. Going to dinner with you. With their family. That is where they live. They don't live in the Tank.

Hockey is a game of mistakes and those mistakes are fleeting. A coach looks at a game as an overall body of work, not play by play by play. This is a team sport, not an individual one. Your child is not being evaluated on one bad shift or one bad period. Keep that in perspective and make sure they do too. The sooner they learn to shake it off and move forward, the better player they will become.

The Less Obvious Accomplishments

When I coach at a high level prep school, with my AAA Seal Teams, or at camp, I make a point to commend players on the less obvious accomplishments. Not just goals. Not just points. I'm talking about the little things. Getting the puck off the boards cleanly. Closing a gap. A hard, accurate pass that created a chance. These are real plays and they matter.

I give a tap or a nod after a mistake. Even at camp. Camp is a time to explore and try things. A safe place to train and push yourself, not to be intimidated. We are there with unbiased eyes and no agenda other than helping players get better.

Parents, do the same thing on that car ride home. Point out one or two of those less obvious plays your kid made. Watch their reaction. You will see a smile. Stats don't record those moments, but your kid will remember that you noticed.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I say to my child after a bad hockey game?

Keep it simple. Tell them they don't live in that feeling. They are going home, back to their family, back to real life. The game is over. Acknowledge that it was tough, then point out one or two specific things they actually did well, and I don't mean the obvious stuff. Look for the small plays. That is what a good coach does and it is what a good hockey parent does too.

How do coaches evaluate young players after a bad game?

A good coach looks at the overall body of work, not one bad shift or one bad period. Hockey is a game of mistakes at every level, including the NHL. What coaches are watching for is compete level, hockey sense, and how a player responds to adversity. One bad game does not define a player. How that player handles the bad game says a lot more.

Is it normal for youth hockey players to get in their own head?

Completely normal. It happens to pros too. I got benched in the Boston Garden with my whole family watching. The Tank is real and it hits players at every level. The goal is to shorten the time you spend in it. That comes from experience, from good coaching, and from having people around you who help you keep perspective.

How can I help my child build mental toughness in hockey?

Start with the car ride home. What you say in that 20 minutes matters more than you think. Keep the focus on the process, not the result. Teach them early that mistakes are part of the game and that moving on quickly is a skill. The players who learn to do that are the ones who keep developing. The ones who can't let go of a bad shift are the ones who plateau.